Married At First Sight: James Weir recaps MAFS episode 3

Married At First Sight’s high-maintenance wife rejects her husband’s awkward attempt at a kiss on Wednesday and publicly slaps him down like The Sasshole we know and adore.

The Sasshole can’t believe it. First her husband looks at her like she’s “sex on a stick” at their wedding. And now he’s coming at her with an open mouth like she’s a chip on a stick. Only one thing is for sure: When it comes to The Sasshole, there is certainly a stick somewhere.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here


Can you believe we’ve still got, like, a month’s worth of weddings to get through? We don’t even enjoy attending the weddings of people we actually like – and yet producers force us to sit through tacky reception after tacky reception as if it’s some kind of treat.

One of tonight’s weddings is for Alana and Jason.

“I am a hot teacher. Being a teacher at my age and looking the way I do can be a bit challenging,” Alana brags to us.

We just know this comment is going to be openly mocked in the staffroom at her school tomorrow and we kinda wish we had Dip. Eds so we could go there and join in.

“I’m comfortable about my sexuality and I’m happy to talk about it,” she declares.

Ugh, people who love talking about their sex life are the worst. Fact: talking non-stop about your sex life is usually a sign you’re not getting any.

“I definitely get pleasure from sex. Like, I love the feeling of the sex as it’s happening. It’s a good feeling,” she continues

Gee, thanks for the tip. You should lecture in medicine.

We already can’t stand this wedding but, when we hear Alana is developing a facial rash, we stick around to see it break out further.

“I have a rash on my face! It’s really scaly,” she sobs just moments before walking down the aisle.

We suggest a hydrocortisone cream and then Uber outta there ASAP in case it’s that flesh eating virus going around Melbourne.

In Sydney, single mum Jo is telling us about her dream man. It’s a pretty simple brief: he’s gotta be down-to-earth and rugged. Preferably a tradie.

Cut to millionaire James applying fancy face cream while wearing a turtleneck.

Uh-oh! You crazy producers. What’s gonna happen when these two opposites collide?

SIDEBAR: This turtleneck is honestly the most highbrow thing to ever be associated with this show.

Jo confides in us that she has self-esteem issues stemming from a past toxic relationship and those negative feelings bubble up the second she lays eyes on James’ man jewellery. Man jewellery is gross but that’s a topic for another day. She clocks the Rolex on her new husband’s wrist and immediately thinks she’s not worthy enough.

“He has a nice … I think it’s a … Rolex watch on his wrist – and that’s definitely way above me. I’m a Kmart shopper. And he looks like a Rolex shopper,” she hyperventilates.

Joanne, we’re going to tell you something and we’re only going to say it once: That watch is probably a Folex. Also, when you inevitably take him to Kmart for the first time, please film it because we want to see him freak out when he’s surrounded by all the cheap crap.

“I feel like he might be after someone a little more glamorous,” she frets. “I don’t think I’m glamorous enough for him.”

But once the reception kicks off and James reveals he once owned a Turkish restaurant, Jo relaxes.

“Ugh, yes! The meats and the breads and the dips! Yes! Fill me with some dip!” she squeals.

And really, that’s all any man wants to hear.

Jo’s thrilled. In one day she has doubled her skincare products and the prospect of being filled with dip is in the not too distant future. She’s feeling relaxed. Everything seems to be falling into place. But then she finds out James is a car salesman.

“I hope you’re not the typical car salesmen kinda dude,” she bops along to the music that’s playing over the outdoor speakers. “Car salesmen are very stereotyped. Because they are wankers, aren’t they? Hopefully you’re not a wanker.”

James is pissed. But because his skincare regimen is so good, the lines on his forehead don’t really show when he raises his eyebrows in shock. Still, he makes it known that he’s perturbed.

He’s acting like Jo just compared him to the crook car salesman dad Mr Wormwood in Matilda.

“Jo seems to be getting a little apprehensive. She has made comments about me being a car dealer,” says Mr Wormwood. “And, look, there’s the stereotype they come off arrogant, rude, obnoxious. That doesn’t define the person I am. I want her to see me for who I am. What’s under these layers.”

In Jo’s defence, James is wearing a lot of layers. Maybe peel down the turtleneck.

Anyway, he understands that Jo’s nervous and she explains her insecurities. She might not be getting filled with dip tonight, but James assures her his feelings aren’t fake. Unlike his Folex.

Producers are on a roll tonight when it comes to playing with people’s insecurities, and they don’t hold back with Melissa on the first night of her honeymoon with Bryce. This is the chick who’s never been on a date. Producers know she’s at an emotional rock bottom, which is why they wheel in an “honesty box”. The honesty box is a tactic used on all reality shows to cause trouble. We like to call it the “sledge box” because the questions inside it are always crafted to ensure someone is insulted by the answer.

“Am I your usual type?” Melissa reads out the first question to her husband.

We know instantly where this is heading.

“Ummm. It’s a tough question. I’ll be completely honest. Not 100 per cent,” his voice ramps up to a high pitch at the end of that sentence.

Melissa’s insulted. It’s like she has never seen the sledge box challenge.

But Bryce isn’t done.

“I’ve always gone for the blonde hair, blue eyes, tan kinda girl. And usually tall. I can’t say 100 per cent I’d come up to you in a bar and buy you a drink,” he continues.

OK. We get it. You’ve given your answer. Let’s move on to the next question.

“When I first saw you I thought, ‘Not my type’,” he powers on.

Good God.

“But, I thought, she’s not … ugly?” he muses.

Bryce senses some annoyance and isn’t sure what he did wrong.

“Were you hoping I’d say I thought you were the most gorgeous girl in the world … or? Is that the answer you were hoping for?” he asks his wife.

She stares at him in silence.

“I can’t help the way you feel. But I probably wouldn’t have been intimate with you,” she holds back tears.

She’s shattered. All her insecurities come bubbling up again. She asks her husband if he’s here for the right reasons.

He’s offended and gets huffy – like when Jo compared James to Mr Wormwood.

We feel for Melissa but now she’s just asking questions she already knows the answer to.

Bryce is a regional radio DJ who ended his engagement to go on a reality show.

That’s your answer. It’s all you need to know.

In all the swirling insecurity that’s going on tonight, we almost forget to check in with The Sasshole.

She’s on her honeymoon with that guy whose teeth she hates. The chemistry is buzzing and the flirty conversation is just pinging back and forth like the dialogue in a Nancy Myers film.

“Look at the trees,” Jake leans on the fence of the patio.

“Those trees?” she mumbles, nodding into the distance before looking down at the pavers.

“Yeah,” he replies.

With nothing left to say, he leans in to kiss The Sasshole but she grimaces and bends backwards before turning away to avoid all contact.

“In the most awkward moment of a conversation with no essence, he thinks it’s the perfect opportunity to lean in and kiss me. I feel like Jake is trying to create something un-genuinely (sic),” she fumes before confronting him about it.

“We were literally talking about absolutely nothing. And that for me, just was frustrating. That’s why I pulled away.” And it’s understandable, The Sasshole.

Tonight, it is safe to say, no one is getting filled with dip.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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Married At First Sight: James Weir recaps MAFS

Married At First Sight’s OTT, WAP-quoting bride cops a sledging from her frightened groom on Tuesday in an episode that ends with her being taken down a peg in a moment that’s as raw as the husband’s mankles.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here


We’re invited to three weddings this evening but like hell we’re gonna attend all of ‘em. Who do we ditch? Well, we tear up the invitation to Booka and Brett’s without even opening it because they’re boring and we assume the menu at their reception will be enforced-vegan.

We’re kinda intrigued about Samantha and Cameron’s wedding. Mainly because she’s the chick who bought her couch at the rubbish tip and then got age-gap-shamed at the hens’ party before initiating a confrontation. She could be fun to hang with. But then we check in with her a few hours before the ceremony and realise she has calmed down tremendously since the fiery hens’ argument — and the guy she’s marrying is just blah — so we tell her we have better things to do and to cancel our meals with the reception’s catering company.

This leaves us with Coco — the intense pilates instructor who’s still trying to coin a viral catchphrase. You better believe we RSVP “HELL YES” and clear our schedules to attend this rager.

The first order of business for Coco is spit-balling more slogans.

“What’s good, daddy?” she squawks as she flops down at a cafe table to meet her girlfriends for brunch and mimosas on a Wednesday.

“Keep your heels and standards high, ladies!” she informs her pilates clients during a class.

“I’ll probably do a few nervous poos,” she admits when asked about the pending ceremony. OK, this catchphrase is the frontrunner. It’s got the warm, comforting wisdom of an Elizabeth Gilbert novel. Definitely screen print this one on a tank top.

Who’s she marrying? A guy called Sam. We don’t know much about him because we’re honestly only here to see Coco cause havoc.

OK, what important things can we share about Sam? Well … he wears deodorant.

Annnd … he has mankles.

Oh, and he likes boobs.

“She’s gotta have decent boobs,” he confides.

All these details about Sam just paint a vibrant picture, huh?

We’re moments away from the wedding and, as always, Coco is just super chill and serene.

“Hopefully he’s wanting to be the Kanye to my Kim! Let’s build an empire!” she declares about the anonymous man she’s about to blindly wed.

For the purpose of fair and balanced reporting, please note Kim has filed for divorce from Kanye.

“You’ve gotta have a little somethin’ somethin’ in you — there’s a little jalapeño spice. Mmm. A little chilli. Arrabbiata sauce,” she continues to offer catchphrases while musing about her dream husband.

Now we’re just at the bottom of the barrel and she’s serving up half-baked slogans. I still think we should’ve settled on, “I’ll pay 10 cents extra for sauce!”

Regardless, Coco is characteristically enthusiastic about the possibilities of this union. But boob-man Sam?

“If I’m into her, I’m into her. And if I’m not, it’ll be pretty hard to hide,” he shrugs.

Ooh, producers are on their A-game with the foreshadowing.

Coco whirls down the aisle, limbs flailing and half-formed catchphrases echoing around her.

When she eventually reaches her groom, she quotes Shakespeare. Or is it Walt Whitman?

“Dayyyymn. What’s good?” she scrunches her face and cocks her head to the side as she assesses the stranger before her.

It’s abundantly clear she thinks Sam has the arrabbiata sauce she is so craving.

He, on the other hand?

“I can tell she’s gonna be very loud. She’s a little bit different to what I’m used to. I’m a little bit thrown by her,” he confesses to us.

When it comes time for vows, Sam recites a beautifully written and thoughtful speech. Coco gets more creative.

“I should just read out WAP,” she zings, turning to the crowd for applause that never comes.

It’s around now Sam checks out completely. “Wow,” he looks down, regretting all of his life choices.

But Coco has indeed written proper vows.

“My name is Coco. What’s good, papi? I’m a proud Leo, and, like a lion, I advise you don’t interrupt me when I’m eating,” she again awaits applause from the crowd.

The only thing worse than this is when brides say, “You better put the toilet seat down!” in their vows. PSA: Don’t mention toilets at your wedding. Just read whatever stock standard thing the church magician tells you to.

OK, we like to joke about Coco — but she’s not entirely socially inept. She senses Sam is withdrawing from the day, so she makes an effort to find some common ground as they get their wedding photos taken.

“What kinda music are you into? I’m guessing trance?” she squints.

Before he even has a chance to answer, she has already moved onto what music she likes.

“UK rap and drill,” she lists. “Do you like Pop Smoke? I can’t believe you don’t know who Pop Smoke is! He’s a rapper. He got shot.”

Sam stares blankly into the distance and a wave of jealousy washes over his body as he wishes he was the one who got shot instead of Pop Smoke.

Coco can feel him slipping away even further.

“I’m guessing I’m not your usual type?” she asks.

And then. He lies. “No, you are my usual type,” he replies without missing a beat.

We shouldn’t be surprised he’s such a mess. The guy has mankles, for cryin’ out loud.

He’s unhappy and his body has gone into shock. Producers quiz him and he lies again. They push further, coaxing out the brutish response they know will divide audiences and spark backlash.

“You want me to be brutally honest?” he blurts to the producer — eyes wide and nostrils flaring.

This is it.

“Well, I don’t wanna look like an a**hole. I just met her, she might be a really lovely person. But she’s definitely f**kin’ extra and out there. She’s not my cup of tea. She’s not my type. Far from it. That’s being brutally honest.”

Hear that noise? It’s the sound of hashtags being hurled into your Twitter timeline.

The emotional purge doesn’t leave him feeling better and, at the reception — as Coco yells out more subpar catchphrases across the hall — he’s hating life.

Just when he couldn’t find Coco more confusing, she goes and starts using more gangsta rap lingo.

“I’m born to make Ms,” she shrugs.

“What’s an M?” he scrunches his face.

“Millions,” she pumps her hands in the air, raising the roof, before bringing up Pop Smoke again.

“Does anyone else know who he is?” he stands up and questions the room, but no one hears because Coco has grabbed the mic.

“I’m white meat baby! Get some pork on ya fork!” her voice bounces off the walls.

Sam doesn’t know if he’s the pork or the fork — and he doesn’t wanna find out.

“Some of the things she says are a little bit cringe-worthy,” he grimaces.

How dare he. This is the final straw. Samuel, you’ve coloured your hair with an at-home Clairol box kit. And you’re probably into trance music. You’re not in a position to judge, sir.

Coco doesn’t need Sam. She should take her own advice by keeping her standards, and heels, high. Does she really wanna be with someone who refuses to have the classic tunes of Pop Smoke played on their wedding day?

Turns out, Coco is like all of us. She’s blinded by the chance of love. She gives in and panders to Sam.

“… What did you first think when you met me?” she asks, nervously tracing circles on her thigh with her forefinger.

“I thought you could potentially be really loud and out there and crazy. Saying out there and outlandish things at inappropriate times is never fun,” he informs her.

Ugh. Prude. Obviously it’s the “pork on ya fork” catchphrase that prompted this reaction.

Coco seems unbreakable but she’s not. This comment cuts close to the bone and her bravado wilts.

“It’s good to see Coco has an off switch. Maybe I judged her too quickly,” Sam says, and we immediately hear the whooshes of social media hashtags being hurled again.

The real question is: will Sam pay 10 cents extra for sauce?

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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Todd Carney engaged to MAFS star Susie Bradley, proposal Instagram video

Todd Carney and Susie Bradley are engaged after the former NRL star pulled off a surprise proposal during the gender reveal for their baby.

Carney, 34, showed off his romantic side after first kicking a football that exploded in a shower of blue powder.

He produced a ring from inside his shorts and bent down on one knee, telling Bradley: “I got something else exciting too. Since it’s going to be a little boy, it’s only fitting we all have the same name. Will you marry me?”

Bradley, who failed to find love after appearing on a season of Married At First Sight, appeared truly stunned as she willingly accepted the ring and kissed her beau.

Carney posted the moment on Instagram, writing: “We all have dreams and in 2020 all mine have come true. In 2021 my greatest gift is going to happen with a little Todd on the way and I’ll marry my best friend.”

There had been speculation the two were planning to tie the knot after Bradley referred to Carney as her fiance on social media in October.

After her ill-fated marriage with barista Billy Vincent on the hit Channel 9 show, Bradley was spotted out in public with Carney as early as March, 2019.

Carney shot into the NRL spotlight as a 17-year-old; however, his career was derailed by a series of off-field incidents that saw him sacked from Canberra and released by the Sydney Roosters before the infamous bubbler incident at Cronulla saw him ultimately exiled from the NRL.

Carney, who now lives on Queensland’s Gold Coast where he works as a concreter, says he’s found peace in his life and wants athletes across the country to learn from his mistakes.

The on-again-off-again couple got back together at the end of 2019, prompting cosmetic nurse Bradley to defiantly address their critics.

“Pretty sure it’s been no secret that Todd has effed up in the past,” Bradley wrote. “I’ve also made quite a few disastrous mistakes.

“But guess what? We own them and we’ve worked through them, and that’s up to us, so go us, we’ve come out the other side of it.

“Please keep your f***ing opinions to yourselves. If you can’t respect my relationship, go away, please, otherwise I’ll just block you, and that’s so time-consuming.”

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MAFS Susie Bradley, Todd Carney engagement: NRL star proposes

Married At First Sight star Susie Bradley has confirmed she is engaged to NRL star Todd Carney.

Bradley shared the exciting news with her Instagram followers on Tuesday with behind-the-scenes video of the former rugby league bad boy being interviewed for TV.

After her ill-fated marriage with barista Billy Vincent on the hit Channel 9 show, Bradley was spotted out in public with Carney as early as March, 2019.

The on-again-off-again couple recently got back together at the end of 2019 and it appears the pair can’t live without each other.

Preliminary Final

Bradley confirmed the swirling engagement rumours that have followed them in recent weeks when she referred to Carney as her “fiance” in an Instagram clip posted Tuesday.

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