“Breast is best” was a phrase I had heard long before I pushed my 6-pound, 12-ounce son into the world. Very few people, including the labor and delivery nursing staff, made it a point to simply ask if I even planned on breastfeeding — it was assumed I would. So when my newborn arrived after more than 24 hours of intense and painful labor, he was immediately pushed toward my breasts. To be honest, even the joy of seeing his face for the very first time did not erase the fatigue of that moment, nor the slight sliver of resentment I felt at the thought of instantly becoming my son’s de facto milk bottle.
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Currently, Faris hosts the Unqualified podcast. As for Mom, the show also stars Mimi Kennedy, Jaime Pressly, Beth Hall, William Fichtner and Kristen Johnston. Not to mention, the show is currently up for three awards at the 26th annual Critics Choice Awards, including Best Comedy Series, Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series (for Fichtner) and Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series (for Pressly).
On Mom‘s three nominations, Janney said to DeGeneres, “The network shows tend to get pushed aside because there’s so many great shows on all the other, you know. So, to get a nom in our eighth season and for Bill Fichtner and Jaime Pressly to get recognized, they’re so wonderful and I’m really proud.”
A Louisiana mom was killed pretending to be her daughter to save the child from a pair of assassins whom authorities say the girl’s own uncle had hired to stop her from testifying against him in a rape case.
Brittany Cormier, 34, and her neighbor, Hope Nettleton, 37, were found shot dead inside a home on Montegut on January 13 as part of a botched murder-for-hire that was allegedly masterminded by Cormier’s own brother.
On Monday, the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office announced the arrests of Beaux Cormier, 35, and his two friends, Andrew Eskine, 25, and Dalvin Wilson, 22, in connection with last month’s double homicide.
Brittany Cormier, 34 (left)], was killed saving her daughter’s life by pretending to be her when hitmen came for her. Officials in Louisiana say Brittany’s own brother, Beaux Cormier, 35 (right), hired the assassins to kill his niece to derail a rape case against him
Cormier, Eskine, and Wilson were initially charged with two counts of first-degree murder. On Tuesday, prosecutors filed additional counts of criminal conspiracy to commit murder and attempted first-degree murder against each of the suspects.
The new charges stem from the two prior incidents when the accused men conducted surveillance on the victims’ home and then attempted to carry out the killing, but failed, Sheriff Timothy Soignet told WDSU.
Cormier is additionally charged with solicitation for murder for hire for allegedly paying his friends to kill his own niece.
When Eskine and Wilson returned to Brittany Cormier’s home last month to carry out the killing, Soigner said they asked for the her by name, and her mother pretended to be her daughter – ‘accepting her fate to save the life of the actual victim.’
Brittany’s daughter and stepdaughter were hiding in a closet at the time of the attack and were not harmed. The sheriff credited the mother’s actions with saving her child’s life.
Andrew Eskine, left, and Dalvin Wilson, right, have been arrested by deputies in Louisiana for the January 13 double homicide
There were reportedly five people in the home, pictured, at the time the victims were shot to death
Samantha LeMaire, a close friend, told The Advocate that she never expected Cormier would have to sacrifice her life to protect her daughter.
‘She would do anything for her kids,’ LeMaire said. ‘But to this extent? I would have never thought it would ever have come down to this.’
Beaux Cormier was initially arrested for allegedly raping his own nice in March 2020 in nearby Lafayette Parish and ‘is already a convicted sex offender,’ according to officials.
‘Cormier hired Eskine and Wilson to murder the rape victim so she could not testify,’ Soginet said.
The trio staked out Brittany’s home sometime in the summer or fall, and then Eskine and Wilson allegedly went back there in November to kill the rape victim, according to the sheriff, but the attempt failed and a neighbor reported the license plate to police.
Brittany (left) saved her daughter’s life and sacrificed her own. Her neighbor, Hope Nettleton (right), fought back and was also killed
Soginet said that it took law enforcement a couple weeks to solve the case of the January 13 double homicide and the license plate noted in November was ‘critical’ to solving it.
The sheriff added Eskine and Wilson both confessed to their involvement in the plot and named Beax Cormier as the person who hired them to kill his niece.
Beaux acted as a pallbearer during his sister’s funeral on January 20, just over a week before he was arrested for her murder.
District Attorney Joseph L. Waitz, Jr. said prosecutors ‘feel like we have a very strong case.’
‘I will get convictions in this case,’ Waitz said, adding that the death penalty ‘is absolutely on the table.’
The three men are being held without bond at the Terrebonne Parish Criminal Justice Complex.
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Five children found shot to death after a house fire last year in West Virginia were killed by their mother, who then killed herself, officials said Thursday.
“Greenbrier County Sheriff Bruce Sloan revealed details of the shootings and fire last Dec. 8 at a news conference,” the Associated Press (AP) reported.
Sloan said 25-year-old Oreanna Antoinette Myers shot her three kids and two stepchildren at their home near Williamsburg, adding that the children’s ages ranged from one to seven.
Their bodies were discovered inside the home, while Myers’ body was found outside, the article continued:
Myers’ husband stayed with relatives instead of at home during the work week due to transportation issues, Sloan said. Text messages between Myers and her husband showed that his absence during the week had been “a tremendous source of contention” between them.
Sloan said he was unaware of whether the woman was under treatment for any diagnosed mental illness at the time of the deaths. But in a note she left, she complained about the lack of treatment for mental illness, according to the sheriff.
He detailed the case during the press conference Thursday morning:
Flynns Creek Road Press Conference 01-21-2021. **The first couple minutes of this press conference was not recorded due to equipment issues**
Posted by Greenbrier County Sheriff’s Department on Thursday, January 21, 2021
During their search of the property, first responders found three letters inside the couple’s broken down vehicle, according to WSAZ.
One of the notes, titled confession, reportedly said:
I had shot all boys in the head. I had set house on fire. I had shot myself in the head. I’m sorry mental health is serious. I hope one day someone will help others like me. Mental health is not to joke about or to take lightly. When someone begs, pleads, cries out for help, please help them. You just might save a life or more lives. Thank you, O.A.M.
In a letter to her mother, Myers said, “I’m sorry. This is no one’s fault but my own. My demons won over me and there’s no going back. So sorry I wasn’t strong enough.”
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Shannon Leach wears many feathers in her cap, she is a mom of Five, wife, nurse practitioner, and an online Health and Fitness Coach.
After qualifying for the Boston Marathon twice, once in 2008 during the Seattle Marathon and in 2012 at the Portland Marathon. She finished the Boston Marathon with a personal best on April 15, 2013. Today she is an inspiring mom of five along with a fitness coach.
In her Interview with Namita Nayyar, President Women Fitness , she answers common doubts, questions, fear women undergo by sharing her infertility journey to living a healthy lifestyle besides being a proud mother of five, Today.She shares input from her diet, fitness routine to prove fitness is achievable for all women.
You have been into an active lifestyle, fitness, and sports since childhood. Share your journey from being a soccer player to finish the Boston Marathon with a personal best.
My family has always been active — growing up, my siblings were all involved in year-round sports. We would go on family hikes, bikes, and even runs. Throughout junior high & high school, I ran track and played softball, basketball, and soccer. Soccer became my primary sport and passion, and I was fortunate enough to play college soccer at a Division 1 school from 2003-2007. After college, I no longer had a built-in fitness routine, so, to stay active, I took workout classes at our local YMCA and trained for half marathons, marathons, and triathlons.
I fell in love with running, and quickly set the Boston Marathon as a bucket list item. I qualified for the Boston Marathon twice, once in 2008 during the Seattle Marathon and then in 2012 at the Portland Marathon. It was on April 15, 2013, that I finished the Boston Marathon with a personal best. That was the most memorable and amazing athletic event I have ever been a part of… until the bombs went off. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about and say a prayer for those who were injured or died as a result of the Boston Marathon bombing.
However, we then decided we wanted to start to grow our family, and it was then that I learned I wouldn’t be able to have children on my own. A huge part of my life and my story is that I struggle with infertility. I’ll be sharing more later on this, but we have been incredibly blessed that our fertility treatments were successful — our first child, a daughter, was born in December of 2014.
Sports, fitness, and exercise had played such a strong role in my life that, as I neared the end of my first pregnancy, I started panicking about the available time I would have to work out. I knew it would be harder to get to a workout class at the gym or train for a marathon or triathlon. I feared I would never again feel fit and strong… that is, until I saw a friend sharing an at-home fitness program she started and invited me to a virtual health and accountability bootcamp.
Before starting my first program, however, I was a bit skeptical about working out from home and whether I would be motivated enough to do it in my living room, and whether I’d be challenged enough. These programs completely changed my mind about home workouts — they were HARD (but modifiable and so much variety it is possible for anyone at any fitness level to do). I quickly fell in love with the support system from the virtual bootcamps, so it was easy to stay motivated.
I quickly realized that, with a newborn baby, I didn’t want to and couldn’t devote extra time to get to the gym. By the time I would unload the car seat, take her to childcare, race to my class, race to grab her, feed her, and get home, it was a 2+ hour process for a 30-45-minute class. I realized that I had been looking for a cost-effective, time-efficient way to get back into a healthy lifestyle and I had found it. Best of all, I could do it at home and stay active despite being a busy, working mom.
It has been six years, nearly, since I started my first program. And while I primarily do at-home workouts, I weave in my running. I have yet to run another marathon since the Boston Marathon (it’s a little harder these days with 5 young kids to find the time to train for a marathon), but I have done a few half marathons and triathlons, and I love running a few short runs a few times a week. I’d love to run another marathon; the NY and Chicago Marathons have always been bucketing list items. And I’d absolutely love to run the Boston Marathon again one day. But I know there is a time and season for all things. Marathon training is not in the cards for me right now and I’m totally okay with that.
I absolutely love to swim, and pre-COVID shutdowns, I was swimming once a week. I also love a good cycle class or session at home (we have a used spin bike I bought a few years back during one of my pregnancies IVF cycles) because I wanted a low-impact cardio exercise. I also belong to a Triathlon Club (unfortunately haven’t been able to meet because of COVID), but it’s a local club through our YMCA where most Sundays throughout the year, we meet to swim 40 minutes, bike 40 minutes, and run a 5K (3.1miles). It’s a wonderful community and a kick-butt workout. I look forward to doing that again in the future.
But 90% of my workouts are programs that I stream from home, usually 30 minutes or less per day. And it’s in my basement. It’s not fancy. It’s not well-lit. But it’s allowed me to stay healthy and active, and sneak in a quick workout before my kids even wake.
Full Interview is Continued on Next Page
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Disclaimer The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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SINGAPORE: Authorities in Singapore did not find any work pass holders sleeping in the streets when officers conducted routine checks at various locations islandwide, said the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) in a media release on Thursday (Dec 3).
The ministry’s comments come after Malaysian newspaper the New Straits Times (NST) published an article titled Homeless Malaysians in Singapore.
The report, published on Nov 22, featured an interviewee named Shahruddin Hael Helmy Mohd Noh who said that more than 100 Malaysian work pass holders in Singapore were homeless as they could not afford to rent a room or a bed.
“Following the report, MOM engaged Mr Shahruddin on Nov 23 and 27 to obtain information in relation to his claim so that we can provide the necessary assistance to these workers,” the ministry said.
“However, he was unable to provide names and contact details of the workers he claimed to have encountered,” it added.
“He admitted that he never spoke directly to any of these workers and cannot confirm if they were indeed homeless.
“He did not know of any Malaysian worker who does not have a place to stay and also stated that he did not tell the reporter from NST that ‘over 100 Malaysians there had become homeless’.”
READ: ‘I eat one meal a day’: Some Malaysians who lost their jobs in Singapore left stranded and cash-strapped
READ: ‘We have to ration our meals’ – Malaysians share their struggles after COVID-19 left them jobless
On Nov 26, an inter-agency task force comprising officers from MOM, the Ministry of Social and Family Development and the police conducted inspections at various locations across the country, including places listed by Mr Shahruddin.
“However, we did not find any work pass holders sleeping in the streets,” said MOM.
The inspections were part of routine checks by the task force, said the ministry, adding that those found to be sleeping on the streets will be referred to the relevant agencies for assistance.
“Persons found sleeping in the open, including work pass holders, are rendered assistance,” it said.
“Their employer will be asked to provide lodging immediately or the Migrant Workers’ Centre (MWC) will house them in the interim if the employer is not able to do so.”
MOM also said it has established links with non-governmental organisations to refer any cases of work pass holders sleeping rough to the ministry.
“In the past few months, MOM has not received any referrals from the NGOs,” it stated.
“MOM reminds all employers of their obligations to their foreign employees and to ensure that they have proper accommodation during their stay in Singapore,” said the ministry.
It also encouraged members of the public to refer any work pass holders facing accommodation issues to MOM or the MWC for further assistance.
But during the raging coronavirus pandemic, from which at least 257,072 Americans have died, Ola High School had no plans to host a mass gathering of singing and sweating teenagers. So parents in the town about 35 miles south of Atlanta did it themselves, with few precautions, on Nov. 14.
Photos on social media show students wearing bronzer and hoop earrings. Boys wore rented tuxedos and boutonnières to match their dates’ blue satin. Bright green homecoming court sashes sat draped across sequin dresses and giant crowns rested atop loose curls.
“It’s my daughter’s senior year, so I hosted a dance,” one parent, Beth Knight, told The Daily Beast over Facebook messenger. “It was terrific.”
“We sold over 300 tickets, but only about 250 kids actually showed up because they were warned by teachers and coaches that they should not attend because of the virus,” Knight added. “The kids who came had fun.”
A trawl of social media accounts linked to the event—with not a mask in sight—appeared to confirm that. It was just the latest in a laundry list of weddings, dances, religious gatherings, and concerts that appeared to flout public health guidance as pandemic fatigue set in across the country. Couples, parents, and church leaders have gathered in crowds together despite months of repeated messages from authorities about masks and hand-washing and distancing—and warnings about an impending, deadly holiday surge in COVID-19 cases.
“Dancing it off,” one apparent attendee posted on Instagram, squatting in front of a wall, with students in black and red dresses behind him. “This do be our last hoco,” wrote another student. (“Hoco” appears to be the vogue term for “homecoming.”)
Do you know something we should about the coronavirus, or how your local or federal government, school, or business is responding to it? Email Olivia.Messer@TheDailyBeast.com or securely at email@example.com from a non-work device.
Last week, The Daily Beast reported that parents at a school in Rolla, Missouri, threw a homecoming dance for up to 200 students in that community. As infections spread in the aftermath of the event, the school was forced to return to fully remote learning, and the public health department fell significantly behind in its contact-tracing efforts.
When asked on Monday if she feared that her own event could turn into a “superspreader,” creating a pre-Thanksgiving surge of cases in McDonough, Knight seemed to take issue with the question.
“It seems the liberals and the Democrats want to keep the virus agenda front and center,” she told The Daily Beast. “The conservatives, on the other hand, are ready to embrace freedom again. This whole virus plandemic scamdemic has totally ruined 2020. The media [is] paralyzing people with fear so they will do mail-in ballots to rig an election. They succeeded in election fraud. The election is over. People need to stop bowing down to the virus. Forcing people to wear masks is a crime.”
“The dance was nine days ago,” Knight continued. “I have not heard of anyone testing positive who attended the dance. Kids need to have some normalcy to help with anxiety and depression. Don’t you agree?”
Knight was unwilling to list any COVID precautions taken by organizers of the dance. This appeared to be consistent with posts on her Facebook page in the days surrounding the event, which featured a #burnthemask hashtag, along with allegations that “making kids wear masks is child abuse.” She also shared a post arguing that the top infectious disease expert in the country, Dr. Anthony Fauci, “should be in prison.”
Two students who said they were in student leadership at Ola High School spoke to The Daily Beast on Monday under the condition of anonymity. The pair said they helped plan the dance but were afraid that press coverage would “ruin” their football team’s efforts to compete in one last game of the season on Friday.
“I’m going to cry,” one of the students said in a phone interview.
“For senior year, any event that’s been cancelled, I’ve been doing everything I can to have that event, even if it’s outside of school,” added the student. “None of the football players went, so that, just in case, they could play in the playoffs.” (Of course, any number of dance attendees could have infected members of the football team or others in the community in the days afterward.)
With help from parents and classmates, the students found a venue, hired a DJ, and planned a list of precautions. Those precautions, the students said, included a COVID waiver with safety information, contactless temperature readings on-site, optional masks, hand sanitizers, and pre-packaged food.
Phone messages and emails left for the high school’s administrators were not returned on Monday, but a statement from JD Hardin, executive director of communications at Henry County School District, confirmed on Monday that “school leaders did hear of the private, non-school affiliated party.” Hardin, however, would not clarify whether school administrators were aware of it before it took place, as one student told The Daily Beast on Monday.
“This was a private party and in no way sanctioned/sponsored by the school or the school district,” said Hardin. “Henry County Schools continues to adhere to the guidelines and protocols set forth by the CDC, Department of Public Health, and local medical professionals. All guidelines and protocols have been incorporated into our board of education-approved, district-adopted guidelines and response plans. We continue to remind everyone in our community the important role they play in mitigating any spread of COVID-19 by wearing a mask, washing hands, and watching the distance between individuals.”
As for how many students at the high school have COVID-19, Hardin said one student was reported as being infected the week of Nov. 9-13 and another was reported for the week of Nov. 16-20.
The largest hospital in the area, Piedmont Henry, stopped responding to The Daily Beast’s emails seeking an interview with hospital administrators after a spokesperson learned what the story was about. The mayor of McDonough, Georgia, did not respond to multiple requests for comment on Monday.
“I didn’t want to see a tradition that we’ve had for over 20 years taken away,” one of the students told The Daily Beast. “I wanted to see kids that have been doing nothing for eight months experience some joy.”
The other student, also a senior, said: “There were a lot of people against us, but we had a lot more support than critics. Our tradition at our school runs very deeply.”
That much appeared to be true. There were at least 10 parent chaperones, the students said, and others proudly posted about their children or grandchildren attending the event on Facebook.
Tony Sargent, a 48-year-old native of the McDonough area, said his son, a senior, “had a great night” at the dance and that he wasn’t worried about it. Sargent said he believed COVID transmission wasn’t something his son needed to be worried about because it has more severe effects on older people than it does on teenagers.
While the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that most children infected with COVID-19 have mild symptoms, “some children can get severely ill from COVID-19,” including requiring hospitalization. In rare cases, teens have died from the virus.
“There was massive interest in an event like this,” said Sargent. “Obviously not everybody went, so I guess if somebody had a problem they just didn’t go.”
A viral pandemic makes things a bit more complicated than that. And as for the idea that the dance had seemingly gone off without epidemiological incident, the health department wasn’t so sure.
“We are seeing an increase pretty much everywhere,” Hayla Folden, spokesperson for Georgia’s District 4 Public Health, which covers Henry County, told The Daily Beast.
“If you give it to the end of the week, we may be able to link some cases to this event,” added Folden, noting that it would have been difficult to trace before, considering the department wasn’t even aware of the mass gathering until asked about it. “We’re continuing to see higher numbers of cases in Henry County, but they also have the highest population in our district.”
As of Monday, the county had 8,262 cases and 133 deaths, according to the Johns Hopkins University Coronavirus Resource Center. About 609 of those cases were diagnosed in just the last two weeks, Folden explained.
To be clear, the COVID-19 data out of Georgia has come under intense scrutiny since the pandemic began, with experts in July claiming that Gov. Brian Kemp’s administration presented the state’s coronavirus dashboard data in a way that made it appear healthier than it was. One local magazine called the ensuing distrust in the state’s numbers “a disaster,” with others calling the numbers “a lie” designed to make a reopening look safer than it actually was.
Folden acknowledged that folks in many areas of her district have been reluctant to wear masks, and have been vocal about COVID fatigue. But she said it’s another thing entirely to throw a large, non-distanced event.
“It is frustrating when our staff are working around the clock to contact-trace and test. We know it doesn’t just affect older people. It can affect everyone. It’s a pretty personal illness. Having had it myself, it attacks everyone just a little bit different,” said Folden.
Now, according to the students interviewed by The Daily Beast on Monday, others at neighboring schools have reached out to see how they can throw similar parties in the coming weeks, which they called “winter balls.”
“We all deserved a dance,” said one of the seniors interviewed by The Daily Beast. “We’ve been trying to help them.”
Unsurprisingly, Folden had one single piece of advice for parents thinking about throwing parties like this: “Please don’t. Please. Don’t.”
“There’s no way to know if one healthy teenager is going to be OK and one healthy teenager is going to end up in the hospital,” said Folden, who is based out of LaGrange, Georgia. “That is just too much of a risk.”
“We have encouraged people not to do this,” Folden said of the homecoming dance. “Policing is a bit more difficult. The only thing we would be able to do, if we were aware, is ask state patrol to make a drop-in visit, and—if the governor’s executive order is not being enforced, then they could assist us in asking people to close that down.”
“But again,” said Folden, “we can’t even do that if we don’t know it’s happening.”
My mom, brother and I bought a single-family house for $60,000 in 1979. Mom put down $20,000 and paid 22% of the mortgage. My brother paid 45% of the mortgage and I paid 33%. We paid it off in 1988. I married and moved out in 1992, but paid the monthly maintenance until 1994. That year, my brother and his wife and daughter moved in. A year later, he had a son.
In 2016, after a health scare, my mom changed the deed from joint tenant to life estate. She passed away this year. During the 26 years that my mom, my brother and his family lived there, I contributed 33% of house maintenance (new windows, roof, boiler, oil tank, garage door, electrical panel, painting, concrete fixes, etc., as well as house insurance).
The Moneyist:I got a promotion and a raise, but my colleagues undermine me. How do I balance work and my happiness?
I did not contribute to real-estate taxes, in lieu of not living there. When my mom died without a will, my brother figured out that if mom’s part of the house were distributed by half, he would end up with 54% and I with 46% of the value of the house, which is obviously worth several multiples of what we paid for it. His math seems correct, and I was happy to agree to that.
I just heard that my sister-in-law and her two children feel that I have “played” my brother and that it seems “fishy” that I didn’t push to sell the house long ago. I never thought that it was my place to ask my mom or brother to sell the house. I thought they would just tell me. During these years my brother started his own business, and subsequently went bankrupt and had difficulty finding a job.
I lost my mom 2 months ago and I’m still in a fog. They want to save on interest, and they are not sure if they would qualify for a mortgage as they co- signed their son’s student loan a little over $100,00 still left, and also have a car loan to pay. They do have good FICO
My brother has had many health issues over his lifetime and presently he is still being treated for cancer. I would appreciate your clarity in this situation. My sister-in-law feels my brother’s share of the house should be greater than 54%. Does his math seem right or should it be more?
May I please have your thoughts? And do you think the division of the house is fair?
I want to keep the peace.
Trying to Do the Right Thing
The Moneyist:My husband is paying $10,000 of $20,677 in child-support arrears. He wants me to give it all to my adult children. Should I do that?
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You will never be able to keep the peace. You only ever need to be at peace with your own decision. That is true both for this situation, and for life.
Your brother and his wife moved into your mother’s home. His children grew up there. It was their home; at least it felt like their home. However, they were living in a property owned by you, your brother and your late mother. When they say it’s “fishy” that you didn’t sell the house long ago, what they really mean is they’re annoyed that they did not buy you out of the house a long time ago, before it increased in multiples of its original value.
Do not make any decisions that result in less than the previously agree 46% at this time. To use their loans as leverage is unseemly, and should not play a role in selling up or buying you out. ”
They could have owned all of it for a fraction of the price, and they should have thought of that then, and they would have done so had they realized they’d be in a position to own all of the home instead of just over 50%. It’s a classic case of coulda-shoulda-woulda. Who are they going to hold accountable for their own inaction and lack of foresight — themselves? Not on your nelly. Why on earth would they do something as obvious as that when they can blame you instead?
If you sign over this house now to keep the peace and/or to secure the friendship and love and loyalty of your brother and his family, you will only end up resenting them and resenting yourself. It won’t change who they are, and they will likely find another reason to hold other people responsible for opportunities they did or did not take in their own lives. You can’t solve that problem by signing over your inheritance to your brother and his family. So don’t try.
The Moneyist:‘I watch our finances like a hawk’: My husband owes $12,000 in unpaid tax — and he never told me. Should I file separately?
You upheld your end of the agreement. They probably saved far more money by living there without having to pay a full mortgage/rent. Your brother calculated how much you both contributed, and he came up with a 54/46 split. Ignore any reported comments from your in-laws, and tell whoever told you those comments that you’d rather hear from them directly or not at all. If they express this to you directly, tell them what I told you: “Take responsibility for your own actions.”
If your sister-in-law insists on you giving up more, she risks creating more disturbance at a time when she might do better showing you support for the loss of your mother. ”
To nickel and dime over percentages at this point is a fool’s errand. Your brother’s split is an estimate, and any other figure will also be an estimate at this point, as tracing back the money they saved by living there and other costs/taxes etc. is a task for a forensic accountant, and even they would have difficulty coming up with an accurate figure. The legal answer is 50/50, the domestic solution is 54/46. I don’t believe they should chip away at your legal inheritance.
They appear to feel entitled to it because they have lived there, but to lay this at your doorstep and to make it your sole responsibility to give up your share of your mother’s house is sharp practice, especially given that it is only two months since your mother’s death. Their car loans, student loans and any other kind of loan are none of your concern. To use that as leverage is unseemly. Do not make any decisions that result in less than the previously agree 46% at this time.
You may need this money a year or five years from now, and you may live to regret being guilted into a decision. Giving people what they want against your own better judgement will not change them, or your relationship with them. If your sister-in-law insists on you giving up more, she risks creating more disturbance at a time when she might do better showing you support for the loss of your mother. A more impatient person would say, “You’re right. It’s too complicated. Let’s split it equally.”
Your sister-in-law wants more than 54% for the privilege of living there for 26 years. She should be thanking you for not insisting on half.
The Moneyist:I filed for bankruptcy after rehabbing my husband’s home. Now he wants an open marriage and says I own nothing. I feel trapped and bamboozled
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SINGAPORE: The Assurance, Care and Engagement (ACE) Group, under the Ministry of Manpower (MOM), is organising a one-time vaccination exercise for employers to protect their workers from the flu, said the ministry on Monday (Nov 9).
The flu vaccination will be available to all migrant workers in the construction, marine or process sectors, whether they are living in dormitories or in the community. It will also be available to all migrant workers residing in dormitories.
The vaccination is priced at S$25 per shot.
The exercise is being organised in light of the coming end of year flu season and is to “protect workers who may be at higher risk of infections”, said MOM.
“The fight against infections, including COVID-19, is a shared responsibility amongst everyone. We encourage all employers to arrange for their workers to be vaccinated.”
All I want is to be able to have a relationship with her, especially now that I will be going through a major life milestone, and ideally other milestones after that such as having kids. My father (who has been divorced from her for 24 years), my fiancé, and I are paying for the wedding, so I don’t have to include her in the planning. I just want to, because that’s what other mothers and daughters do.
I fear that during the stress of wedding planning she will be unable to keep from spiraling out of control if there is any type of snapping, losing one’s cool, or disagreement on my end. She has expressed that she felt left out when my brother and sister-in-law were planning their wedding, so I am trying to include her. However, I don’t want her to ruin the entire experience for me the way she emotionally destroyed me the day I bought my dress.
What do I do—should I leave her out or keep extending the olive branch?
Anonymous Baltimore, Md.
While your question is about whether to include your mother in your wedding planning, embedded in it is a much larger question: What does it mean to have an adult relationship with my mother? To answer the first question, you’ll need to answer the second.
I suspect that this broader question has been percolating deep down for a while, but sometimes it takes a major milestone, like turning 30 or getting married, for it to surface. So let’s consider your question in this context.
Part of having an adult relationship with your mother will involve doing some grieving—mourning the relationship you didn’t have growing up, and also letting go of the kind of relationship you’re hoping for now. You say that you “don’t ask her for anything other than a relationship,” but your request isn’t so simple, because you likely have a specific kind of relationship in mind. Perhaps in this imagined relationship, your mother would understand your pain, validate your perspective, take full responsibility for the difficulties between you, delight in your company even when you’re prickly, and feel nothing but compassion for you when you cite her shortcomings or perceived mistakes in raising you.
In short, she would be a different person from the mother you have. If you want a relationship with the mother you have, you’re going to have to let go of the fantasy mother you wish she were. Holding on to the fantasy leaves you feeling like the injured child you used to be. But mourning that loss might allow you to move forward, enabling you to find some value in a relationship with the mother she actually is. Why? Because you’ll also be able to see the mother you have more clearly, and maybe even more generously.
So back to your question about the wedding. You say that you want to include her in the pre-wedding activities, because she might feel left out and also because “that’s what other mothers and daughters do.” Certainly some mothers and daughters do wedding activities like dress shopping together, but it’s equally true that others—even mothers and daughters with strong relationships—don’t. Some women prefer to do these activities with their partners, siblings, close friends, or some combination thereof. And many daughters who get along swimmingly with their mothers experience conflict and disagreements during this time. If you hold on to the fantasy, your mom isn’t the only one who will feel out; you will, too.